New York’s Deadliest Ex-State Parks

From the shores of Long Island to the mighty Niagara Falls, New York’s plethora of ex-state parks offer countless opportunities to escape from the bounds of gravity (briefly), experience exciting new adventures in agony, and become one with your natural environment (forever)! Wondrous new worlds of pain await you at…

Clark Reservation. If you’ve always wanted to go look for the caves, now you can! Best experienced after dusk after a long day of drinking with local guides, the cool, rushing sensation of discovering Jamesville Quarry is not unlike the feeling of biting into a York peppermint pattie… which is what you’ll also look like after they scrape you off the bottom. Clark Reservation’s trails are sure to bring you to the very edge of excitement – and beyond!

Old Erie Canal State Park. New York’s first dedicated play space for methheads offers peerless privacy in a peaceful rural setting for all your drug dealing needs- the only place you can dump the body AND the gun where no one will hear the splash. (No concrete ballast needed – just use one of the thousands of limestone blocks handily available in the park!)

John Boyd Thacher. If you’ve experienced all the joy that New York’s ex-state parks have to offer, but still aren’t satisfied, make John Boyd Thacher your final destination. It’s 3.2 seconds of vertical plunge you’ll remember for the next 3.2 seconds of your life!

(Okay, okay…

Gee, I thought I wasn’t going to have to resurrect this post from the Virtual Spike, but since the state can’t get its budget act together, I’m publishing the above as a public service… and as a way to get myself out of my curious blogging hiatus. And here I had wanted to come back when things had changed…)

One Reply to “New York’s Deadliest Ex-State Parks”

  1. It’s bad over at DEC as well. I ran into someone yesterday who informed me that Recreation (the group that runs the campground system for DEC) had gotten a 40% cut for this year. There’s a lot of questions being raised about what DEC is doing with the revenue the campgrounds made. It’s supposed to be a special reserve account, to fund operating the camping system, and given their banner year last year, there’s a lot of suspicion that money got heavily skimmed to fund something else, leaving them short.

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