WITH HEADLINES LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS COFFEE?

I love reading America’s Most Colorful Newspaper every day. (Whether I feel like it or not.) However — and this is just an observation, not a criticism — there are some days when their favorite color is black. This morning I went out to get the paper on the front step. It was rolled in clear plastic so only part of it was visible. The headline, or the visible part rather, screamed

TOTS ARE

(Not in all caps but I’m just trying to convey the Dewey-Defeats-Truman, 72-point alarmingness of it) So, quite naturally, and quite conditioned by the other thick black PS headlines of the past, I thought, Oh my God! Tots in danger! Something unspeakable has happened to some tots in the Greater Syracuse area! This is terrible! I dare not read further about what heartbreaking fate has befallen some more of our innocent small ones…

Well, I forgot it was Thursday, and when I gritted my teeth, unrolled the paper and steeled myself for tragedy, I realized it was only the “CNY” section wrapped around the “Weekend” section and the “Neighbors” section, instead of the usual front page section on the outside. It was an article about toddlers watching too much TV. Which is noteworthy, but I’d like to think the headline was some sort of white-space-filling layout choice and not an indicator of extreme urgency. In any case, it was good for a laugh at myself.

(The real scary headline today was on the front page itself. It’s great that we’ve been offered a 24-hour live webcam of DestiNY USA. But what we really need, I think, is a 24-hour live webcam trained on Savannah Dhu.)

2 Replies to “WITH HEADLINES LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS COFFEE?”

  1. It seems like the motto of the our local news media should be: “If we haven’t scared you half to death, we haven’t done our job”.

    Ever since 9/11, it seems like the media and our national leadership has gone overboard in trying to make us live in fear. What a great way to make the citizenry feel impotent.

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